Most normal, well-adjusted people roll out of bed each morning, savor a bowl of cereal, trudge off to work, return home, and unwind with a nice cup of chamomile tea. But lurking in the shadows of this delightful routine is a peculiar species known as Michael Jackson stans.
These folks are not your average Joes. Oh no, they’re a whole different ballgame! Their obsession is akin to a full-time job—glorifying an iconic weirdo who had a penchant for claiming beds that were not exactly reserved for him. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill infatuation; it’s a supercharged devotion that elevates the art of demonizing non-believers to an Olympic sport.
Here’s the kicker: the average Michael Jackson stan has spent years convinced that the media is out to get their beloved King of Poop, portraying him as the wicked witch of the west for clickbait. Ironically, they’re blissfully unaware of their penchant for double standards. With the dawn of social media, these stans have morphed into conspiracy-spreading warriors, unleashing poorly produced YouTube documentaries like they’re the latest Netflix thriller, or crafting Facebook posts that can only be described as "creative interpretations" of reality.
They’re like the Goldilocks of media: they love it when it’s just right for Jackson, but turn into raging bears when it’s not.
That’s why I, Jin Martini, have embarked on a revolutionary three-part documentary series: Trial by Media: A Michael Jackson Stan Story. This compelling exposé will peel back the layers of celebrity glorification disease, pointing out the extreme double standards and hypocrisy of those who worship at the altar of MJ.
It’s high time we collectively acknowledge that life is far more substantial than idolizing someone who had questionable ideas about bedtime accommodations. If if you want to sprint down Denial Avenue faster than Usain Bolt, then grab your Sketches. But if you're ready to embrace common sense and decency, do yourself a favor and stay tuned for my documentary.